shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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