You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
