Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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