i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
