but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
