She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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