Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
