I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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