Apparently you make a good broom.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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