She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
