I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
