just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
