Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
