it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
