She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
