Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
