I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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