you turned your livingroom into a bong?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
