do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
