I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
