The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize