I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
