Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
