I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
