just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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