i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
