just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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