i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
