new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
