Me too!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
