I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
