Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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