Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
