This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
