so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
