my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
