It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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