SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
