Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
