Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
