A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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