the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
