Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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