Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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