her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
