Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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