The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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