ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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