Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
