we made out on top of his cat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
