That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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