I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
