i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
