I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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