it glows. i had to have it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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