oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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