An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
