Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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