The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
