nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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