is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
