it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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