i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
