So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
