he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
