I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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