Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
