i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
