went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
