she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why do cheetos always look like penises
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
